Third Times a Charm...

At least we are hoping this old saying will become true for us! I have never thought I would be so happy to begin my cycle (nor did I think I would be posting about these things), but I sure was happy to see that happen today. It was definitely a small gift of mercy from the Lord for three reasons: I did not have to travel to Memphis, we did not have to pay for the blood test, and we get to begin treatment again. We are very thankful for these small blessings from the Lord! When I spoke to the nurse today, she was pleased to hear my cycle began, and said we could start treatment again on Saturday. As I was sharing all this with my mother-in-love today, she reminded me that from the beginning of the last round of treatment, Kyle and I never had a peace about the situation. Maybe that was just our way of protecting our hearts, but I do think it was in part a prompting from the Holy Spirit. Even after the miscarriage, Kyle said, "I think it will take two more times." We do hope and pray that "the third time is a charm." Thank you for continuing to pray for us. Just today I received an e-mail from a blogger that wrote to share her story, and tell us she has been praying for us. One would expect their family and close friends to be praying, but about once a day I hear of someone praying for us that I do not know. This is extremely humbling, and brings much encouragement to my heart. Please pray that we will continue to persevere through this trial, and that in the midst of it we will not miss out on growing into the likeness of Christ, and gaining a deeper knowledge of him. Above all, we pray that we continue to bring glory to the Father as we wait on Him to bless us with a child.

Nephew #2: Madden Cuthbertson

On a much sweeter note, our nephew, Madden Manley Cuthbertson, was born on June 18th at 9:59 p.m. He weighed 7 pounds and 5 ounces, and measured 20 inches long. He is a precious baby boy, and Molly Kate and Mikias seem quite smitten with him! Kyle and I will be traveling to Louisville on Monday to meet Madden, and celebrate my sister's 30th birthday. We will also get to meet our nephew Miles who will be coming home from Ethiopia on July 3rd. We will then have one niece and three nephews. We absolutely adore these children, and count them as a sweet blessing from the Lord!

EXHAUSTED

Let me begin by saying, I am completely and utterly exhausted with this trial we are enduring. As most of you know, Kyle and I have been trying to conceive for a year and 3 months now, and it has been an extremely difficult journey. It truly is an emotional roller coaster, and I have finally reached my breaking point. I feel like up until now the Lord has given me a strength that I did not know I even possessed, but as of this week I have hit rock bottom.

Saturday was the end of my two week wait, so at this point I knew that I could take a pregnancy test. On Thursday, I had a tiny bit of spotting that morning, and then nothing. I spoke with the nurse, and she said to take a test on Friday morning. The test was negative. I still had a little bit of hope, because it was early. I called the nurse, and she told me to wait a few days and test again. I took a second test on Monday...negative. At this point, I knew it was over. As much as you try not to get your hopes, deep inside you are really hoping this round will work. Instead of crying, I just became really frustrated with the Lord. I just looked at my sweet husband, and said "when is it going to be our turn?" It becomes even harder when you hear about couples that were not even trying or just got married, and are now pregnant. Let me just be completely honest. That is when I want to scream at the Lord, "SERIOUSLY!!!" I certainly do not want to be frustrated with the Lord, because I know with all my heart that He has something SO GOOD in store for us. This journey is just becoming extremely painful, and I have grown very weary. It is also hard because most all of my friends including my sister have entered into the world of being a mom. I cannot relate to them at all, and it makes these relationships even more difficult. I feel stuck in this other world when I long so deeply to be in their shoes. It is just hard. There is no other way to describe it. I long for the day when I can look back on this journey, and see the Lord's purpose. As for now, the trusting and waiting is getting harder and harder every day. I certainly do not want to burden you, but please pray for me. As you can see my flesh is so weak, and my heart is so weary. Pray for the Lord to continue to give me strength, and pray that I would find great rest in Him. He is my Rock, and I must continue to trust in His plan for us.

Being that my cycle still has not begun, I am headed to Memphis tomorrow for a blood test. This will be the ultimate confirmation. If I am in fact not pregnant, please pray that my cycle would begin soon, so that we can begin another round of fertility treatment in July. I do not know if I am even emotionally or physically prepared to face another round. However, this is our only option, so I have to continue to persevere. Thanks for sharing in this journey with us, and for allowing me to share my heart. I will continue to rejoice in this trial for it alone has deepened my walk with the Lord, and strengthened my marriage greatly. I just hope and pray that the Lord would see fit to bless us with a child soon!

Verse of the Year

A few years ago, a dear friend of mine (and co-worker) encouraged me to choose a verse from scripture for the year. This was something she had always done, and I happened to like the idea. So, in 2007 I chose my verse for the year. This is not a verse that is chosen at random, but one that truly characterizes that particular year, and one that I end up clinging to throughout the year. Sometimes the verse does not come to me until a few months into the year, and often it comes from a certain passage of scripture or book of the Bible that I am studying at the time. As I look back over the years, it is really astonishing to see how the Lord weaves the verse into my life. I decided to share these verses with you, because they have become very dear to me. I hope that this will encourage you to begin choosing a verse for the year.

2007: "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"
Micah 6:8

• In 2007, the woman who was discipling me shared this verse with me. The words of this verse appear to be a direct command, and I realized my walk with the Lord should resemble these requirements. I memorized this verse, and through the year I often reflected upon it as I made daily decisions.

2008: "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4

• 2008 was a year where the Lord was impressing upon me the importance of being humble. It really began in 2007, but I finally started to get it in 2008. I definitely still struggle with this daily...especially putting others before myself...however, I am much more consciously aware than I was before.

2009: "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:6-8

• 2009 was characterized with a definite trial, and one that continues today. At the time I chose this verse, I was studying 1 Peter with one of my disciples. This verse became very precious to me in the face of what I was enduring. It gave me much hope and encouraged me to persevere through the trial, knowing that the Lord was refining my faith in the process. Oh how sweet this verse still is to me today!

2010: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock."

Isaiah 26:3-4

• I chose two verses for this year, honestly because I could not pick just one. Both of these verses were chosen while I was walking through the miscarriage. Isaiah 55: 8-9 is one that I have clung to over and over this year. There have been so many moments where I have not been able to understand what the Lord is doing in our lives, and this verse has brought me much peace. His ways are not my ways, and one day we will fully know and understand. As for now, I have to continue to trust that His way is the best way for me. Isaiah 26:3-4 was a verse that a friend texted to me during the miscarriage. I just love this verse, and I am so thankful she pointed me to it. It strongly encourages me to continue to trust in Him. He is my Rock, and no trial is going to shake that truth. I can always rely upon the Lord, for He is my everlasting rock!

It really is quite humbling to see how much scripture can change when you begin to get it into your life. When you choose a verse for the year, and memorize it, it will become engrained in to your mind and heart. I am so glad I took this suggestion from my friend. These are verses that will always have great significance in my life. When I think about these verses, my mind is flooded with thoughts of all the Lord did in and through me that year. What precious thoughts! I highly encourage you to begin this, and it is not too late for this year! Just pick a verse!

The Fun Never Ends

Last weekend was full of fun for me, and lots of memories were made! Thursday through Sunday, I was in Destin with 7 of my girl friends from high school. We had such a fun time reminiscing, and catching up on life! It was so relaxing, and I laughed so much! It was just fun for all of us to be together again. I love these girls to pieces, and it does not matter how much time passes, we can all pick up right where we left off. These are friendships that I definitely treasure! I hope that we can continue to get together for many years to come!

Meredith and I got to have lunch on

Wednesday. It was so fun to see her!

She is having a baby girl in

less than 2 weeks!

Abby, Natalie, Paige, Me,

Lee, and Becky

Natalie, Lee, Paige, and Jana

Me, Abby, Becky, and Allison

The Girls at Fire in Grayton Beach

The Girls at Graffiti in Baytowne Wharf

Allison, Abby, Me, Jana, Becky

Natalie, Lee, and Paige

Pasta, Pasta!

In an attempt to eat healthier, and lose a few lb's (doctor's order), I began searching for healthy dinners that were low in calories. I did happen to find a lot, and have enjoyed cooking up some of these fabulous dinners! Check out My Recipes if you would like to do some searching! Most of these recipes have the nutrition listed below. This recipe I happened to find on my sister's blog. Since we have many different readers, I decided to post it too! I had a feeling I would like this one, but I was quite surprised that Kyle liked it as well. It is a good pasta dish for the summer, because it is light and very fresh tasting. I do plan on using only half the can of chickpeas the next time. Buon Appetito!

Penne with Chickpeas, Feta, and Tomatoes

Salty feta, sweet cherry tomatoes, and nutty chickpeas combine for a hearty Greek-inspired pasta dish. Use oregano instead of basil, if you prefer.

Yield: 4 servings (serving size: 1 1/2 cups)

Ingredients:

• 8 ounces uncooked penne (tube-shaped pasta)
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1/2 cup chopped shallots
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper
• 1 (15-ounce) can chickpeas (garbanzo beans), rinsed and drained
• 3 cups halved cherry tomatoes
• 3/4 cup (3 ounces) crumbled feta cheese
• 1/3 cup small fresh basil leaves
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon grated lemon rind
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Directions:

1. Cook pasta according to package directions, omitting salt and fat; drain in a colander over a bowl, reserving 1/4 cup cooking liquid.

2. Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add oil to pan; swirl to coat. Add shallots and garlic; sauté 45 seconds, stirring constantly. Stir in bell pepper and chickpeas; sauté 2 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add tomatoes; sauté 2 minutes. Stir in pasta and reserved cooking liquid; cook 1 minute or until thoroughly heated. Remove from heat. Add feta and remaining ingredients; toss to combine.

Oh So Pretty!

Well hello blogging world! I just realized that I have been quite absent! I have been on two beach trips: one with all of my high school friends, and I am currently at the beach with Kyle's family. It has been so nice to be at the beach, and not at home as I am in my two week waiting period. I have many things to catch you up on! I am going to start with the fun stuff! Before I left Oxford, I snapped some quick photos of all the pretties blooming in my garden this year. I just smile when I look at them. As you may know, all of these plants came from my Grandmother's yard, and I know she would be so happy to see them in full bloom. I guess you could say I have a green thumb. If so, it was definitely inherited from my Grandmother, Granny, and Mom. However, I just think I have gotten lucky! It is amazing what a little sun and water will do! Hope these pretties put a smile on your face too!

Here We Go Again...

Many of you have asked recently "when do you get to try for a baby again?" Well, I can finally answer that question...Saturday morning!! Last Thursday I started shots, and yesterday I went to the doctor for blood work, and an ultrasound. This is what typically takes place at these appointments (for those of you who really want the details). They take my blood to check my levels, and then the nurse does an ultrasound to measure the size of my follicles. The average woman has only one follicle a month that releases an egg. Well given that I have PCOS, and I am on fertility drugs, I have tons of follicles. In fact, during the last round the nurse told me I had enough to share with ten women! The shots I am taking are suppose to make the follicles mature (grow in size). My doctor prefers for the follicles to measure at least 18mm. Then they give you one final shot that cause the follicles to rupture and release an egg. In my first round, after the first appointment, I was sent home to do four more days of shots because my follicles were not large enough yet. Yesterday morning was my first appointment of this round, and when she started measuring the follicles, I had plenty that were 18mm or greater. I proceeded to ask her, "so the IUI will probably be soon." She told me, "Yes, probably tomorrow morning." We were shocked because the process was not near this fast last time. At first we thought the IUI was going to be today, but they wanted to wait one day for my uterine lining to thicken more. We are very thankful for the quickness because each visit is $200, so this is saving us quite a bit of money. I am not sure exactly how many follicles I have that are most likely going to mature. I will definitely be asking that question in the morning. However, I do know that I am at a risk for multiples. As I have said before, I am completely fine with this being the outcome. It would be a double (or triple) blessing from the Lord.

Now that you know all details, I would ask that you please pray for us tomorrow morning, and for the next two weeks. This is a really tough place to be because you want to have hope, and trust the Lord for big things, but at the same time you have to guard your heart. It is really hard to find a balance between the two. As a friend recently told me, "my heart seems to change daily (sometimes hourly) in regards to that." I could not agree more! Please pray that we would continue to trust in Him moment by moment.

Below is a list of specific prayer requests for us:

1. Pray for REST. Rest in the Lord, and physical rest. I tend to be a go getter, so to take it easy for two weeks is kind of difficult for me. Pray that I would get the proper rest that my body needs.

2. Pray for TRUST. It is really easy to begin to doubt the things of the Lord that you have always known to be true when you are walking through painful trials. Pray that we would continue to trust in His sovereign will for our lives; that He is in control, and He is doing what is best for us.

3. Pray for PEACE. Waiting for an answer for two weeks can be difficult. Pray that this would be a time filled with peace, and free of anxiety.

4. Pray for PROTECTION. It is also easy for your mind to go a thousand different places when you are experiencing infertility. Pray that my mind would be protected, and as my friend said, that my mind would stay in the moment.

THANK YOU so much for joining with us in these prayers. Last night I was brought to tears by the many encouraging words I received after I sent out a text update. This journey has not been easy, but each of you have brought us much encouragement, and we feel deeply loved. Thank you for loving us and supporting us as we walk down this road.