What the Lord has Purposed

As I have often said, the desire of my heart for this blog is that I be as open and transparent as I can be in my writing. It has been about a month since I wrote about what is going on in our lives, and my heart is full of things to share. Many of you are aware of the path the Lord has taken us down over the past year. For those of you who are not, I will give a brief synopsis. In September, Kyle and I began seeing a fertility specialist, and I had surgery in November to "burn off" about 60 cysts on each of my ovaries. These cysts are a symptom of polycystic ovarian syndrome. In January, at our follow-up appointment with Dr. Kutteh, it was decided that our best form of treatment for conceiving a child would be intrauterine insemination (IUI). I had to do a month of birth control to get my ovaries in the best condition, and then I took a round of Clomid, and have also been on shots (given to me by my sweet hubby). The biggest answer to prayer has been that my body has responded well to the medicine. I visited the doctor in Memphis 3 times this past week for blood work, and an ultra sound. Everything progressed very well, and I most likely had three to four follicles mature (a mature follicle ruptures and releases an egg). Yes, I have learned lots about the female anatomy! :) The actual procedure took place on Monday afternoon, and we are now waiting. Please pray for us, and that the Lord will see fit to bless us with a child. Even if we do not conceive this round, we are very hopeful because my body has responded so well to the medicine. I am at a risk for multiples, but Kyle and I are completely okay with that....more bang for our buck!

Now that the medical part is behind us, I want to share with you what the Lord has taught me over the past year as He has led us on this journey. This has been a long journey, and at times very hard, but we still rejoice that this is the path the Lord has chosen for us! Over the past six months, it seems that everywhere I went I was hearing about trials. Whether it was at a conference, at church, a sermon I was listening to online, or a certain passage of scripture I was reading, each were about trials. Isn't it funny how the Lord speaks to us? Being that we have been going through probably the biggest trial in our lives thus far, I put on my listening ears, and soaked up what was being taught. It has been amazing how the Lord has grown me, and radically changed my thinking concerning trials. Most of the time in our lives when we experiences trials, we just do what we can to get through it as quick as possible. We might even try to fix the circumstances, or try to get things back to the way we planned it. However, there is a much bigger picture going on as we experience trials, and I believe we often miss out. The question we really have to ask ourselves is, "What is my goal in this trial?" One of my favorite pastors, David Platt, said "When our goal in our lives is to grow in the the knowledge of God, and to be transformed in His likeness, then no matter how deep and dark the trial is, we can know that our goal is going to be achieved. When we believe that knowledge of God and intimacy with God is supremely satisfying, then trials which cause us to trust, lean on, and pursue God will be a really good thing. Trials are joy when God is our goal." What we are missing out on is maturity in Christ--growth into His likeness and a deeper knowledge of Him. We are missing out a more intimate relationship with Christ. This really struck me to my core! I most certainly did not immediately embrace our trial, put a smile on my face, and say I LOVE it! But over time the Lord has truly allowed me to receive this trial, and even consider it a joy. Why? Because, I know that through it His purpose is being accomplished in our lives, and that we will gain a deeper intimacy with Christ. That alone ought to give us a reason to rejoice! Platt also said, "What if you said to the Lord--I know there are things I have to deal with circumstantially here, but more than anything I want to know you in the process." I pray that the next time you and I our in the midst of a trial we will be able to say, "Lord, I want to know you more."

Another big thing the Lord has taught over the past few months is that He alone is my God. Recently, I have been reading Counterfeit Gods by Tim Keller. In chapter one, Keller recounts the story of Abraham being called by God to sacrifice his son, Isaac. This was a BIG test for Abraham. Not only had he prayed and waited decades for a child, but it was his only son whom he deeply loved. It appears that the Lord was testing Abraham to see where his affections lie, and whom he was dependent upon. "God was not saying you cannot love your son, but that you must not turn a loved one into a counterfeit god." Abraham was obedient to the Lord, and walked up into the mountains to sacrifice Isaac, but as we know the Lord stopped him. Keller said, "What Abraham was able to see was that this test was about loving God supremely...The Lord is saying, 'Now I know that you love me more than anything in the world...' This doesn't mean that God was trying to find out if Abraham loved him. The All-seeing God knows the state of every heart. Rather, God was putting Abraham through the furnace, so his love for God could finally "come forth as pure gold." After reading this chapter, I had an "aha" moment. I believe the Lord has taken us on this journey to bring us to a point where we could say, "even if you never give us a child, you will still be our God, and we will still love you and serve you." I think this is the point He wanted us to reach. And, I can honestly say I am there. My heart definitely deeply longs for a child, and I pray every day He will bless us with one. But if the Lord never chooses to do so, He is still my God, and I will still love Him. Not to say the days won't be hard, but in Christ I have all I really need.

I hope that my words can bring encouragement to you, especially if you are in the midst of a trial. I pray that you will be able to embrace the trial, and grow deeper in your relationship with Christ. Don't just rush through it. The Lord desires a great intimacy with you, and to grow you in His likeness. Thank you so much for all the prayers you have prayed on our behalf, and for walking with us through this journey. We have definitely been encouraged, and felt very loved by each of you. Please pray for us over the next two weeks as we wait. We trust that whatever happens, it is what He has purposed.

"Trials are not joyful in and of themselves, but they are joyful when they are under the authority of a sovereign God whose accomplishing His purposes through it." David Platt

"People who have never suffered in life have less empathy for others, little knowledge of their own shortcomings and limitations, no endurance in the face of hardship, and unrealistic expectations for life. Anyone God loves experiences hardship." Tim Keller