That being said, many of you have asked how I am doing? To my sweet mother-in-love I said, "Do you really want to know?" Honestly, I am doing pretty good, and once again I contribute that to my precious Savior, Jesus Christ. It is ONLY because of Him that I have any strength! I do have good days, and bad days, and joyful moments, and sad moments. The mornings always seem to be the hardest for me, and I guess that is because I am facing another day and the realities of it. Yesterday morning, I had the attitude of "life is not fair." All these thoughts started to flood my mind. I am getting older every day--I will be turning 28 this summer. Women 2 and 3 years younger than me already have children. Kyle and I will be celebrating our four year anniversary in May. I certainly did not think we would be celebrating it without a child. Money--we have none! We are in full-time ministry, and we do not have tons of extra money to spend on fertility treatments. These are just a few of the thoughts I had, and I just wanted to scream, "LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!!" Then, the Lord graciously reminded me that it was not fair that Jesus had to take upon my sin, and the sins of the world, so that I might be counted as righteous in the eyes of the Lord. That is the uttermost display of unfairness, but Jesus said, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will." Oh, how I wish that this "cup" could pass from me, but this is the Lord's will for us, and so I pray that each day I can accept with a humble spirit. Through my eyes, I certainly see it as not fair, but the Lord sees it as His good and perfect will for us. Is this easy to accept or what I would have planned? Definitely not, but I trust that the Lord is refining us, and that in the end our faith will be proved "more precious than gold."
Many of you have also asked how you can be praying for us? In January, my sister printed out three prayers that are hung in various places in our house. These have become prayers that we pray on a daily basis, and I would ask that as you intercede on our behalf that you would join us in these prayers.
"There is an appointed time for everything.
And there is a time for every event under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
Father, we trust this truth, that You have appointed a time for everything. As we believe You have called us to be parents, we trust that You have appointed a time to bring a child into our lives. Help us in our finite understanding to trust Your time and rest in Your sovereign will.
"It came about in due time, after Hannah had conceived, that she gave birth to a son;
and she named him Samuel, saying, 'Because I have asked him of the Lord." 1 Samuel 1:20
Lord, thank you for the story of Hannah, and the reminder that You alone create life in the womb. May we be faithful to continue asking You to grant us a child just as Hannah asked of You. As we are without child, help us to not despair, but continue to press on in faith. Lord, may we believe that You will enlarge Your family in the time and way You have ordained.
"Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14
Father, we know that it is good to wait on You, and yet we wrestle as we wait for a child because our hearts long for a baby. Please help us to be strong as we wait, and not fail in our courage. We pray that you would use this wait mightily in our lives to sharpen our faith, and teach us more of Your character. May we look back on this period of our lives, and see many ways that you produced great fruit in us.
Thank you again for the love and support you have shown to us. We are blessed to be able to walk through the joys of life, as well as the sorrows of life with you! May the trials of our lives result in a deeper faith, and more intimate relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ!
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