My Hope is Built On Nothing Less...

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;

blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21

"More than that we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

Romans 5:3-5

It is with a heavy, but hopeful heart that I share the most recent part of our story with you. I went back to the doctor on Monday morning to have blood work done again. Entering into this appointment, I certainly prayed that my levels would increase, but I also prayed that the Lord would give us a definitive answer, knowing that whatever the outcome may be it is what He has purposed. They checked my levels early in the morning, and then we waited to receive a phone call from the doctor. My mother and I went to Panera and Target before heading back to Oxford because I was so tired of sitting at home. Once we got back to Oxford, we decided to go get a manicure, because I just could not sit and wait. Of course, the doctor called as we were in the middle of getting our manicures. I share this because many of you know me so well, and you would say, "only Amy would be getting a manicure while she waited on such a important phone call." The doctor proceeded to tell me that my HCG level dropped to 111, and he is pretty certain that I am miscarrying. They will check my levels again on Friday just to make sure they are still declining. I definitely felt much sorrow when I received this news, but I did not cry until I had to call Kyle in Italy. I knew this would be so hard, because I could not tell him in person, and just embrace him with a hug. Thankfully, he was at a friend's home that lives in Italy, and can call America for free. We were able to have a long conversation, and really process through the circumstance together. A large group of our dearest friends were also with him at dinner, and were there to love on him and pray for him. This was a huge comfort to me, and a reassurance that he is suppose to be in Italy. He shared with me that just yesterday, he had a great conversation with an Italian student. He was able to share the gospel with that student, and is suppose to get back together with him today. After Kyle and I talked, I cried for about an hour, and then I began to process. There were so many thoughts, and questions that were flooding my mind at once. I had experienced much grief the previous Wednesday, and since then I definitely was hopeful of what the Lord could do, but also prepared for a miscarriage. I immediately began to have questions like, "Lord, how could this be when we have already been down such a long road?", and "Why is it so hard for us?" The Lord graciously reminded me that He knows how I feel. Just as I have now lost a child, so too did He lose His child, and for the very purpose that I may know Him. What peace this brought to my heart. No, this is certainly not the path that I would have chosen for Kyle and I, but I fully trust with all my heart that the Lord is GOOD, and this is a part of His sovereign plan for our lives. I do not know how He intends for our family to come to be, but I do trust that He will eventually bless us with children. Yesterday was a hard day, but there are many things that I can still rejoice over. One reason we rejoices is that I was able to get pregnant! It was a HUGE blessing and miracle that I got pregnant. The overall success rate per cycle with IUI is 15 to 20%. I know that the Lord was the author of this life, because the chances of me getting pregnant with the first round of IUI were slim. Another reason we rejoice is that we know that this is a part of our sanctification. That through this trial, the Lord is molding and shaping us more and more into the image of His son. Even though it may be painful at times, we rejoice in our refinement, and trust that He is accomplishing His purpose in our lives through it. My heart cannot express enough how thankful I am for each of you. I have been comforted by your prayers, and encouraged by your words. I deeply grateful that I can walk through this valley with the body of Christ beside me. Please continue to pray for us in the days and weeks to come. Pray also that the Lord in His sovereign timing would bless us with a child. Love to each of you, and blessed be the name of the Lord!

The Lord often seems to speak to my heart through songs, especially hymns. This is one that I remember singing many times when I was a child. Today, the Lord laid this hymn upon my heart, and it brought me much comfort and peace. "My hope is built only nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness." Trials are inevitable in the life, and the storms will come, but "on Christ the solid rock I stand."

My Hope Is Built

My hope is built on nothing less

than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ the solid rock I stand,

all other ground is sinking sand;

all other ground is sinking sand.

When Darkness veils his lovely face,

I rest on His unchanging grace.

In every high and stormy gale,

my anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid rock I stand,

all other ground is sinking sand;

all other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, his covenant, his blood

supports me in the whelming flood.

When all around my soul gives way,

He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ the solid rock I stand,

all other ground is sinking sand;

all other ground is sinking sand.

When he shall come with trumpet sound,

O may I then in Him be found!

Dressed in his righteousness alone,

faultless to stand before the throne!

On Christ the solid rock I stand,

all other ground is sinking sand;

all other ground is sinking sand.