I wish that I was writing this post to share with you the great news that Hardy has finally started nursing, but unfortunately that is not the case. After a long weekend of attempting but making no progress, we made an appointment to see the specialist in Oxford again. Before this visit, I was just praying that we would have an answer either way. We went to see her this morning, and Hardy nursed like a champ. Kyle and I were kind of stunned at how well he did, and we both left very hopeful about the process. However, upon coming back home he went back to his old ways and would not latch on at all. At this point I became even more frustrated because now I know he can do it. As my pediatrician put it today, "some babies just have a shorter temper." Hardy is very quick tempered, and if he does not get it the first time he just loses it. This evening the specialist was even so kind as to come to our home and watch him. She was also quite puzzled as to why he did so well this morning, but cannot get it at home. I am going to keep trying several times a day for now, and I am hoping that one of these days he will just get it! It is truly starting to wear on my emotions though, and I know at some point I am going to have to make a decision. After all I went through to get pregnant, I expected things to be easier on this side, yet here I am facing another trial. I think I have cried as many tears over nursing as I did when I was walking through infertility. I just never dreamed that I would feed my baby any other way so I am having a really hard time letting that go. I just do not want to look back on the first few months of Hardy's life and all I remember is sitting at the pump all the time. I know he is only a newborn once, and I want to cherish every hour of these days. So, my heart is definitely torn. Do I keep pressing on and hope he will eventually get it, or do I let it go? I am a very strong-willed person so I feel as if it is going to be incredibly hard for me to just give it up. Please pray for me and that the Lord would give me clarity and confidence in my decision. I realize this is not a decision I have to make tomorrow, but when the time comes I want to have complete peace in knowing I am doing what is best for me and Hardy. Thanks so much to those of you who have left comments and sent me messages with words of encouragement. Your messages have helped me to keep pressing on when I did not think I had the strength to face another day of this, so BIG thanks to you.
i had supply issues... had great nursers but supply issues & a very COLICY baby for about 5 weeks... l finally put her on a hypoallergenic formula and she was a different child ( night & day difference). I know the situation is a tad bit different... however, looking back I realize i should have given up what I wanted & done the formula sooner. like you said... they are only so little once. Second baby came the same way.. colicky for a couple days and with AGAIN much hesitation we went to formula ( sometimes what is best for baby is best for everyone and best at keeping the sanity). You will ultimately make the best decision/ and just a little FYI.. giving up breast feeding at 2 weeks 6 month or a year.. is NEVER easy
ReplyDeleteHey Amy, I am praying for you. I know how hard the whole nursing thing can be. If it makes you feel any better, I had some struggles with it too. I ended up not nursing my babies, and it was all fine and well. I don't want to encourage your decision one way or the other, but just know that I didn't nurse mine, and they are fine, I am fine, and it all worked out and I was able to enjoy their infancy a lot more after "letting go". Hope that helps!!! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteWhoever said that nursing was easy was wrong. It is soo tough! Praying for you that you can be at peace with whatever decision you make. I had issues nursing for the first 3 weeks or so. I had decent success with the shield, but I still had to pump. Oh the pump. Anyway, we ended up making it work and she actually started nursing without the shield at 6 weeks (but still at night) and then around 3 months she got rid of it at night too. I don't think I could have done it without my "breastfeeding support group" every week. I know it sounds nutty, but it was hosted in my local hospital by two RN/Lactation consultants. They weighed the babies and you could ask questions...for free! And it was so nice to have other moms to talk to who were having struggles. We nursed until 13 months and I am so happy I stuck with it. Whatever decision you make for you and Hardy will be the right one.
ReplyDeleteI think nursing is tough for most moms starting out and I think everyone has probably had different experiences and therefore different opinions. Having lactational support was HUGE for me. I would have easily given up in the first week with Eli without it. There have been points with both kids that I used an herb (Motherlove) recommended by the lactationist to help increase my supply. It seemed to help a little. It looks like Hardy had passed his birth weight by his two week check-up so you are doing something right. :) Hoping things get better for you soon... even if it means letting the nursing go.
ReplyDeleteJust remember that your value or worth as a mother is not tied to whether you nurse Hardy. That was something that I (and Jeremy) had to remind myself of very often during the first two weeks. As I told you before, Walker would get SO frustrated because he couldn't get his little mouth around when I was so engouraged. It left me so frustated too, and like you, many tears were shed because I wanted it to work so badly. I never ever thought it would be hard! My lactation consultant told me about a trick using a bottle nipple. It completely changed things! Hold the nipple up to yours and let Hardy start nursing like that. Once he gets the hang of it (after a few minutes) remove the bottle nipple. After a few days of doing this, I didn't even need the nipple anymore. I know you have tried the shield, but you never know he might take to this differently. Praying for wisdom and peace! Please don't hesitate to call...
ReplyDeleteGirl, I had a rough time nursing CG at first too. It was NOT easy or natural at all. But we kept trying...the shield did help some. The crazy thing is she ended up being a GREAT nurser. In fact, she was loved nursing so much that she refused to take a bottle. I mean, REFUSED! So, I ended up nursing her for one year with no breaks ever...so crazy, but so worth it! Now that she is almost 8 years old, I look back at those days as so precious!!! I hope that you feel a peace about whatever decision you make! You're a great mom!!!
ReplyDeleteAmy I will def be praying for you. As I said earlier, the 10 weeks I nursed with Noah were CRAZY! And to top it off, 3 friends at church had boys within weeks of Noah & all were nursing easily and sleeping great! I look back at that time & I almost cry now knowing the emotions you are going through. And the hormones don't help either! I was very strong willed like you & had such a hard time deciding what to do. Finally one night I think Brandon realized his wife was gone & all that was left was my pride, strong will and sleep deprivation. So he sat by me on the couch & took the pump from me & said this is enough. Your worth as a mom isn't wrapped up in nursing him or not, its in being able to be there for him. And at that point I wasn't, I was just a zombie & couldn't bond or enjoy him because I was so busy with nursing/pumping.
ReplyDeleteYou will know what to do when the time comes. Just remember, its like Bridgette said. Its about what is best for you 3. What makes you bond best as a family. PRAYING FOR YOU!
Amy, I totally feel for you. I was shocked with how hard breastfeeding was. It was more painful and frustrating than labor was. Liam was a horrible eater and I couldn't figure out how to get him to nurse. I cried every day for three weeks and felt like the time I was supposed to spend bonding with him, I was resenting him and angry during the whole feed. After three weeks Dylan told me to take a day off and to just supplement him and feed him bottles and I felt like a failure. But it was the best thing for us. I started back with one feeding, than every day added another feeding. Before I knew it, the pain had decreased, he learned how to latch better because of the bottle (who would have thought), and I actually wanted to nurse him. I wish there was a method that worked for everyone. Praying that you and Kyle have wisdom through this and that you allow yourself a lot of grace in this area. I know this isn't the way you envisioned it happening, but Hardy will know that you loved him much by wanting to give him the best. I love you friend and will be praying for you through this.
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