His RIght Hand Upholds Me

Psalm 63

1 O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
3 Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
4 So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
6 when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
7 for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

9 But those who seek to destroy my life
shall go down into the depths of the earth;
10 they shall be given over to the power of the sword;
they shall be a portion for jackals.
11 But the king shall rejoice in God;
all who swear by him shall exult,
for the mouths of liars will be stopped.

Psalm 63 has always been one of my favorites. In fact, the first four verses were one of the first passages of scripture that I memorized early in my faith. The words have always just spoken to my heart. Now, verses 5 through 8 seem to be the ones that are shouting off the page at me. On Tuesday, I received the worst news possible for my given situation. The previous Friday I had a blood test to see if I had in fact ovulated while taking clomid. I had waited all day for the doctor to call me, and of course, he called while I was in our weekly meeting with Crusade. I immediately called him back, and found out that I did not ovulate. While taking clomid, doctors prefer your progesterone level to be somewhere between 10 and 15. My level was around 1.7...very low. While this was not good news, the doctor was still positive (I told Kyle he is paid to be that way). Once I hung up the phone, I cried for a minute, but then I was better. One of my disciples asked me how I was doing, and I said, "I feel like the Lord is graciously upholding me with His right hand." I really do feel this way. I believe that He is giving me the grace I need to face the day, and He is the One who is upholding me throughout every day. Does this change the yearning desire I have for a child? Not at all! But, He is sustaining me as I cling to Him and His promises.

On another note, I began studying the book of 1 Peter this week, and oh how it has spoken to my soul! My sister recommended that I study this book when we first began facing this trial, and I am so thankful. 1 Peter 1: 6-7 says, "In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." From these verses, we learn that trials do two things in our lives: they deepen or refine one's faith and they demonstrate or prove one's faith.  

In light of verse 7, John Pipers says, "When gold is melted in the fire the impurities float to the top and can be removed. When the refining fire is over, the gold is even more valuable. So it is with your faith in God. You have faith. You trust his promises. But there are impurities in it. There are elements of murmuring and pessimism (I speak from painful experience). And there are tendencies to trust money and position and popularity alongside God—dirt mingled with the gold of faith. These impurities in our faith hinder our fullest experience of the goodness and greatness of God. So God designs to refine our faith with the fires of trial and distress. His aim is that our faith be more pure and more genuine. That is, that it be more utterly dependent on him and not on things and other persons for our joy. " What a powerful word spoken by Piper! After reading this I began to evaluate my faith, and the impurities that lie within it. While I do not necessarily enjoy the trial that we are experiencing, I still rejoice and have great hope because I know that the Lord is refining my faith. I pray that through this trial, the Lord would indeed remove the impurities of my faith that float to the top, and that my faith in Him would be more pure, more genuine, and way more valuable!